Ever since I was a kid, I've been taught that strong people don't cry but seeing the sadness and love in my father's eyes when I was seven made me realize that even the strongest people cry at one point of their lives…My father was the first man I ever saw crying over my shoulder…My mother had passed away and I was the only one there for my father…I took care of my younger siblings at an early age…I was always there for the people I love most and always took care of them…But all I received over the past years was disappointments…

It was 3a.m, the room was so dark, and the only thing my ex and I could see is some distant lights coming from the offices next to his flat and our guilty eyes. We were laying next to each other, cuddling up and talking about getting old and meeting each other after all those years. He was very quiet and he suddenly cried…Sometimes crying over someone's shoulder can make you closer to that person but that night something else happened. He was confused and didn't want to hurt me. I was confused too. In the past few months I felt guilty about hiding the one-night-stand from him but I held myself and told myself that "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." I didn't want to loose him, I said to myself. He doesn't deserve it. He's been nothing but good to me. We were meant to be with each other, we were so much alike that it freaked me out in the beginning. We're both Taurus, came from the same family, our grandparents come from the same little valley in the south, we shared the same annoying habits like lying and fooling around, read the same books, his sisters looked exactly like my sister, we were like soul mates. He made me feel safe for the first time in my life. He was the older brother I never had, the lover I always dreamed of, and the friend that I always depended on.

"Baby, there's something I want to tell you." I knew deep down that our relationship wasn't going to last forever. I told him before that there is no future between us because I don't believe in marriage. "I love you, but I'm still in love with my ex too. I'm confused. I want to settle down." He said. "So you've been seeing her in the past couple of months?" "Yes. I know I should have told you, I'm so sorry." "If you're still in love with her and she lives a million miles away, why don't you marry her?" "I don't know, Candy. I'm in love with you both." I laughed. Not because I was happy for him which is not the case. I was relieved. So it wasn't my fault that I had this killing erg to cheat on him. What goes around comes around. I had enough, I had to tell him and be honest with him. I thought that he'd understand. "There's something I should tell you too. I had a one night stand a few months ago" This is when he went crazy and asked me why I did it! "Who was he? Why Candy? WHY! I trusted you! When did that happen?! You told me that you were with your girlfriends clubbing?! Did you meet him there?!" He was just a friend of a friend who I saw at the pub. He was 36 years old, medium height, tanned and had a puppy face. I couldn't see his face it was dark in the club.

I felt lonely that night. All my friends were with their boyfriends. You were as usual away for a week and you called me to say that you're sorry you couldn’t come to the club 'coz you were with friends and your family. I got upset but didn't want to tell you that. I got so drunk that night that he carried me home. Instead of him taking me home he took me to his place. I was shocked when I turned up in his bed. He didn't do anything in the beginning so I fell asleep. An hour later he came on to me and said that he wanted to cuddle up 'coz he was cold. I resisted him but he insisted and told me how sexy I looked, pulling my clothes off and holding my breasts so hard I screamed. I felt guilty and didn't want to do anything but the son of a bitch made me so drunk I couldn't resist him anymore and suddenly everything started to feel delicious. It didn't mean a thing. It was just something that happened and it was just sex. There were no feelings between us. And I didn't answer his calls the next day. But it sure was a crazy night. I never thought I'd have a one night stand. I was a good girl. Yes I did play around before but I did it when I wasn't in a serious relationship. If I had the chance to do it all over again. I'd do it differently. I would never have hurt you in the first place. And instead of staying with you, I'd break up with you. I guess I didn't have the courage to do that. I've learned a lot from you.