London pimp...they call him MADONNA : p

70 simple pleasures that brightens up my day...

1. Strawberries & chocolate fondue … mmmm.
2. Walking barefoot in grass.
3. Listening to good music in the car.
4. Taking a long, relaxing shower…aaaaaaaah
5. Café au lait.
6. A good novel.
7. Popcorn and an old movie on DVD (The Godfather is a good choice).
8. The smell of fresh-cut grass and swimming pool chlorine.
9. Watching the sunrise.
10. Walking on the beach barefoot.
11. A gentle morning run wearing shorts and a tank top. I always do it when abroad.
12. Yoga or stretching or meditation.
13. Snuggling in bed with your partner.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Hugging your child or other kids you adore tightly.
16. Good wine.
17. Dark Lindt chocolate.
18. Dancing like you’re crazy and like no one is watching.
19. Telling jokes till your sides ache.
20. A long conversation with a good friend.
21. Ice cold Coke in the hot weather.
22. Kissing in the rain.
23. Being lazy on a Friday.
24. Waking to a clean house.
25. An uncluttered room.
26. Banana split.
27. Pillow fights.
28. Fries and a vanilla milkshake.
29. Singing in the shower, loudly.
30. Dancing in the rain and stomping in puddles.
31. Watching your child play.
32. Fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.
33. Helping someone in need.
34. Making someone smile.
35. Homemade pie.
36. A nature hike.
37. Laying back and watching the stars with someone special.
38. Making a sandcastles and boobz castles ;)
39. Floating in the water.
40. Taking a long afternoon nap.
41. Getting a surprise breakfast in bed or room service.
42. Laying back and looking up at clouds.
43. Watching the ocean.
44. Getting a massage.
45. Baking cupcakes.
46. Burger king Double cheese Whooper.
47. Iced tea peaches flavor.
48. Playing footsie.
49. Acting crazy in public.
50. Seeing your savings account grow. I never save. But I once tried it, felt good for 2 months, couldn't stand it and ended up spending all my savings on clothes and designer bags.
51. Taking a hot bath.
52. Blowing bubbles.
53. A gentle breeze.
54. The feeling after a good workout.
55. Checking something off your to-do list.
56. Snuggling together under the covers on a stormy day.
57. Playing a good game of basketball.
58. The smell of a new book.
59. Writing on good paper with a good pen.
60. A clear desk.
61. Fresh popped popcorn.
62. A fresh snow.
63. Swinging on a swing.
64. Homemade strawberry shortcake.
65. An empty email inbox. My inbox has 2,045 emails and am working on clearing it up tonight.
66. Ice skating.
67. A very slow and sensual night with your partner.
68. Staying up all night talking.
69. Having a picnic.
70. Swimming at night.

Fatal Bazooka - j´aime trop ton boule

I've been sooo addicted to this song...this FRENCH DUDE IS HILARIOUS!!! to all GAY loverzzz like me enjoy the song :p

Habitssss

We all have habits. Some we already got rid of, others we're still working on getting rid of and many others we don't want to get rid of because we're enjoying them baaby!




Here are some habits I had but got rid of:

1. I used to suck my thumb...i know very sexy :p stopped when I was 12...my dad used to make fun of me and always used to say "one day she's gnna suck her husband's ....... by mistake if she doesn't stop suckin her thumb!!!" well sometimes I still crave suckin if you know what I mean!!
2. Biting my nails...ain't sexy at all...Thanks to the bitchy nail extensions I stopped that habit...I can't stand looking at someone or dating someone who bites their nails...
3. Playing with my hair alot especially when am nervous and am around a hot guy...
4. Going crazy if I didn't have sex within seven days...I'm tryin to control the bitchy moody swings I get if I don't have sex by having fun with the vibrator or by getting myself busy by blogging or reading a novel...
5. Mmmm oh yeh drunk dialing...I used to call my exs whenever I get drunk...only had 2 I used to bug...now i learned my lesson never save your exs numbers...memorize them :p jk no seriously none of my ex's numbers are saved in my phone to avoid future embarrassments...but there's always one ex I call...He's probably reading this now and has this big smirk on his face...inta ou bara6emk !!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
   
   

Habits I stilll HAVE Urrrrrghhhh...I need to keep some and get rid of most:

1. Cheating...in examz (barasheeem :p), job interviews (showing off some cleavage by mistake of course :p) ended up gettin many offers but declined them as soon as I found out that the boss is not cute at all and acting hornyyy jk I don't think I can work in the moment I have other things to focus on like enjoying life, and relationships ( am realllly workin on this now). I neeeed to become more serious in relationships aaaaaaaal ya3ni...I don't think I can unless the guy is worth it!
2. Trusting people easily...got stabbed so many times but still tend to be sweet with people around me...my problem is that I always believe that every person is good from the inside but life made him/her mean towards others...
3. Faking orgasms *sometimes* sometimes it's fun doin it...but not all the time...it gets frustrating when you're with someone and can't orgasm coz' this person isn't satisfying you by being selfish and thinking that you are just tooo demanding. and spoiled..
4. Shopping till I drop...always take a sugar daddy with you shopping :p It's fun but never sleep with this one always tease and leave...
5. Teasing...I just love teasing guys...It's fun if you think about it...when you know that you can't have someone you just want them more and moreeee... I usually like to tease them for a minimum of 2-3 months and others for a year or more...I like the chase :p meooow
6. Drinking... I'm a big fan of tequila BABY! And drinkin many tequilas made me take mannny stupppid idiotic decisions...I regret most of them...but hey life is still gooooooooot1
7. And last but not least LAZING offff and being too fuckin Pickkky am not only picky with the guys I date am also picky with jobs I come across... I graduated 6 months ago and still don't think I'll ever work coz I am a LAZY asss...I have a friend who works in this airlines company and found me a job... you can guess...she wants me to work as an air stewardess...I find that job super sexy but very tiring...you have to look perfect n elegant all the time and smile to the vip's and ACT FAKE..you should also tolerate the fact that if one of the royalty douchebags wanted to spank you on the ass you should just smile and pretend you adore him and if he wanted something more you should answer in a very diplomatic way...I love travelling but not working as a maid for 15 hours! No offence, but its not me...I've always wanted to be a sexy pilot ;)

Some random pics for ma beautiful, loving fanz! : p

Missed posting and missed you guys more! You're probably wondering whats new in my life...to start with am on the french fries diet (home-made of course) I'm doin it to enlarge my boobzys n booty for da summer baby! You can see the difference I guess... I need to get some booty pics of course the before and after kind of pics :p I've been workin out by partying, dating, and havin a hell of a time...calories lost: 4,500 ; ) noo need for gym...gym js makes my ass shrink smaller and smaller everyday...Gotta go...Enjoy da pics! 1 puka puka, 2 puka puka floooooor!Dammmmn this drink knocked me off!
I felt bad for da flower...it looked soo pweety in da begginning then it js got wet and drowned : ( My new toy! He's a great company :p I called him "Big boy" it took me 3 days to stick it half way in...
My other new sex toy...this is my fave coz it gives you pleasure while mastubrating or while doin it doggy style ; ) and about the book I js can't wait to try all the positions...

14 Things We Love, But Men Hate

1. Bathroom crap: Loofahs, potpourri and peppermint foot scrub exfoliant spiked with Shea butter are among the products we 'women' like to stick in our bathrooms to the detriment of the world's water supply. Give men a toothbrush and some soap and they're good!

2. Shopping: Being dragged along on one of our shopping sprees is guaranteed to drive any sane man mad! Please girls don't ask a guy whether or not this dress or bikini makes our ass look like oatmeal or FAT! Well I did take a guy once shopping and tried on a few dresses he chose the most conservative one that made me loook pregnant : s and told me to ditch the sexy one...Well guess what I got the sexy of course the next day...why? coz I didn't want to hurt his feelings I WANT THE SEXY ONE! Don't drag yer guy into this unless he's a fashion freak!

3. Talking: Women are constantly prodding men for affirmation. Because most guys are comparatively aloof, holding little gab sessions allows women to ascertain "where things are going." This might not be so bad if it weren't for the fact that women pick the most inopportune moments to pry open your mental safe (i.e. directly following sex and/or during something obscure and interesting on the History Channel).

4. Crying: Guys prefer not to cry, the exception being a broken bone or downed satellite dish. But we know something they don't know; crying makes you feel better. So good , in fact, most of us do it all the time. Like strung-out addicts, we need that feel-good fix and will cry three, four, five times a day just to get it. And dare I mention the ability of tears to guilt men into jumping through hoops of fire...Crocidile tears!

5. Cosmo quizzes: Ever pick up a copy of a Cosmopolitan ? Doing its quizzes about oral sex and menstruation, or some other sordid topic like "Is he the one?", is, mystifyingly, a guilty pleasure for many women including me! I hate to admit they're kind of fun but I never really believed in them!

6. Shoes: We place so much stock in footwear, but with so much else to look at, do you think all men notice our shoes? (unless they have a foot fetish thingy going on). The only time a guy would notice our Manolo Blahniks is when they're at the foot of their bed. Sneakers and dress shoes have always done them right, so why do we complicate things for them? WE love showing off infront of other women, maybe?

7. Fad workouts: Before pilates there was Tae Bo and before Tae Bo there was yoga. We hop from fad workout to fad workout like J.Lo hops to and from husbands. Here's to hoping your woman is more loyal to you than she is to the ever-changing world of "hot today; not tomorrow" exercise regimens.

8. Gay guys: prominent gay characters are popping up and garnering impressive female followings on popular sitcoms like Will & Grace, SATC... I guess it's coz we are fascinated by something different and besides they're FUN and adorable don'tcha think? Plus they're more loyal in friendships js like lil puppies!

9. Flowers and chocolate: Men want big-ticket items like flat screen televisions; chicks just want the immediacy and confirmation of your love. And for some reason, nobody has had any luck figuring it out... nothing says loving like candy bars and dying vegetation.

10. Enrique Iglesias & Justin Timberlake: Deep in the heart of every woman lies a dormant teenybopper singing in a gay voice. All it takes is a pretty boy with pipes to rouse it. Hitting the high notes and bouncing along to choreographed dance numbers are typically not the talents men esteem in other men, which explains the disproportionate number of females who comprise Enrique and JT's fan base. I used to have a HUGE crush on Nick Carter the guy from Backstreet boys from the age of 11-14 then switched to Howard from the same gang then to Enrique and recently I' m into Justin Timerlake he's gettin hotter everyday!

11. Spiritual stuff: There comes a time in every woman's life when they begin to search for deeper meaning. This usually prompts us to delve into things like astrology or feng shui or tarot cards. I'm into reading palms and coffee cups now. Turns out I've only been in love twice :s and that I' m going to have a boy and a girl : D

12. Soap operas: Better judgment precludes men from watching such drivel. The truth is they know that the days of our lives are not like sand through the hourglass. I think it's safe to say that no woman you'd want to date watches soap operas, at least not religiously. If the Daytime Emmys is her favorite awards ceremony, you've got yourself a problem. I'm into mexican series now, they remind me of my teenage years, boy I've learned alot of things from them plus they're sooo funnyy!

13. Carrie Bradshaw! I LOVE HER! Sarah Jessica Parker's on-screen character seems to be every urban woman's idol. She's witty, cool and impeccably dressed. She's also a bed-hopping, chain-smoking, self-obsessed megalomaniac. Great role model : p

14. Cosmopolitans: The drink that refuses to go out of style (mostly because millions of women refuse to let it) is really just a fancy way of making a Cape Codder (cranberry and vodka). The only addition is a splash of Triple Sec and lime juice, in case you want to shake her the perfect one yourself. It's worth noting that overpriced coffee-based beverages featuring the word "mochaccino" are the daytime version of the famed "Cosmo." Why aren't we satisfied with a simple concoction -- vodka on the rocks, a cup of coffee? I guess we love complicating things and making things a lil more glammed up. My second ex used to make fun of me when I used to order them, he always used to say that women just want to show off even when we order drinks (such a sexist) and that ordering martinis is more sophisticated and classier.

Cheeerz!

Feel free to add some in! : D

Gay Cartoon...sooo funnny don't u dare miss it!

Ever since I was a kid, I've been taught that strong people don't cry but seeing the sadness and love in my father's eyes when I was seven made me realize that even the strongest people cry at one point of their lives…My father was the first man I ever saw crying over my shoulder…My mother had passed away and I was the only one there for my father…I took care of my younger siblings at an early age…I was always there for the people I love most and always took care of them…But all I received over the past years was disappointments…

It was 3a.m, the room was so dark, and the only thing my ex and I could see is some distant lights coming from the offices next to his flat and our guilty eyes. We were laying next to each other, cuddling up and talking about getting old and meeting each other after all those years. He was very quiet and he suddenly cried…Sometimes crying over someone's shoulder can make you closer to that person but that night something else happened. He was confused and didn't want to hurt me. I was confused too. In the past few months I felt guilty about hiding the one-night-stand from him but I held myself and told myself that "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." I didn't want to loose him, I said to myself. He doesn't deserve it. He's been nothing but good to me. We were meant to be with each other, we were so much alike that it freaked me out in the beginning. We're both Taurus, came from the same family, our grandparents come from the same little valley in the south, we shared the same annoying habits like lying and fooling around, read the same books, his sisters looked exactly like my sister, we were like soul mates. He made me feel safe for the first time in my life. He was the older brother I never had, the lover I always dreamed of, and the friend that I always depended on.

"Baby, there's something I want to tell you." I knew deep down that our relationship wasn't going to last forever. I told him before that there is no future between us because I don't believe in marriage. "I love you, but I'm still in love with my ex too. I'm confused. I want to settle down." He said. "So you've been seeing her in the past couple of months?" "Yes. I know I should have told you, I'm so sorry." "If you're still in love with her and she lives a million miles away, why don't you marry her?" "I don't know, Candy. I'm in love with you both." I laughed. Not because I was happy for him which is not the case. I was relieved. So it wasn't my fault that I had this killing erg to cheat on him. What goes around comes around. I had enough, I had to tell him and be honest with him. I thought that he'd understand. "There's something I should tell you too. I had a one night stand a few months ago" This is when he went crazy and asked me why I did it! "Who was he? Why Candy? WHY! I trusted you! When did that happen?! You told me that you were with your girlfriends clubbing?! Did you meet him there?!" He was just a friend of a friend who I saw at the pub. He was 36 years old, medium height, tanned and had a puppy face. I couldn't see his face it was dark in the club.

I felt lonely that night. All my friends were with their boyfriends. You were as usual away for a week and you called me to say that you're sorry you couldn’t come to the club 'coz you were with friends and your family. I got upset but didn't want to tell you that. I got so drunk that night that he carried me home. Instead of him taking me home he took me to his place. I was shocked when I turned up in his bed. He didn't do anything in the beginning so I fell asleep. An hour later he came on to me and said that he wanted to cuddle up 'coz he was cold. I resisted him but he insisted and told me how sexy I looked, pulling my clothes off and holding my breasts so hard I screamed. I felt guilty and didn't want to do anything but the son of a bitch made me so drunk I couldn't resist him anymore and suddenly everything started to feel delicious. It didn't mean a thing. It was just something that happened and it was just sex. There were no feelings between us. And I didn't answer his calls the next day. But it sure was a crazy night. I never thought I'd have a one night stand. I was a good girl. Yes I did play around before but I did it when I wasn't in a serious relationship. If I had the chance to do it all over again. I'd do it differently. I would never have hurt you in the first place. And instead of staying with you, I'd break up with you. I guess I didn't have the courage to do that. I've learned a lot from you.

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Love You are Love. Love is the glue that binds us all together. The love of family, the love of friends, the love between husbands and their wives--these things form the foundation of our happiness, our security, and our comfort. "All you need is love."
Peace
Friendship
Faith
Charity
Courage
Which Positive Quality Are You?

I LOVE YOU ALL! Umwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

This is why you should ALWAYS keep some condoms in your car!

I'm Portia Di Rossi, Dyke is Rosie, who are you?

What famous lesbian do you most closely resemble? Your Result: Portia Di Rossi   You're talented, smart and beautiful. You are more charming than members of the Royal Family and everyone just adores your killer smile. Plus you look amazing in a bikini.
Tammy Lynn Michaels
Rosie O'Donnell
Katherine Moennig
Ellen Degeneres
Melissa Ethridge
K D Lang
Jackie Warner
What famous lesbian do you most closely resemble? Make a Quiz

35 Mistakes Men do when having sex

PAY BACK TIME GUYS! I couldn't think of more but YOu could add some in girls!

1. Men always assume we're turned on 24/7…No darling! We're not Stepford wives and we can't have perfect 10/10 orgasms every single day! We need romantic and adventurous settings you know (candlelit dinner, nice sexy gestures from the guy and a lil bit of caring and spoiling) not always but most of the time!


2. Asking us question like "Am I the best lover you ever had", "Was this the best sex you ever had?", and "Is my dick big enough?" after the deed is a BIG TURN OFF!


3. Getting off the girl after Cumming…She's a human being for godsake and has feelings! Ok I have to admit I do DO IT when I don't have feelings for the guy am with and when its just a one-night-stand but if she's your GF try to stay for at least two minutes before hopping into the shower...


4. Not sharing the shower with her…All the guys I've been with have shared the shower with me except one guy my sis call him alGERD coz he was as hairy as a monkey…anyways this guy had issues…he was married and had intimacy problems with his wife and with the other women I don't know what made me sleep with this guy…I guess it was just a fantasy I had for years. I dated married guys but never slept with one before, so I just wanted to experience that. He turned out to be very selfish not only in bed but also in the shower! So I dumped him the very next day!


5. Not showering before sex…Body odor is a HUGE turn off besides not brushing your teeth after having pizza or worse GARLIC: s


6. Worrying a lot about your rug and the bed sheets your mom got you! I used to date this guy…he's probably reading this post right now : p he used to ADORE his Persian expensive carpet and never wanted to make love on it and when we actually did it on his beloved carpet he was very cautious and the sex sucked big time! So the next day I was having some Nutella chocolate right out of the jar and dropped a big spoon full of Nutella on his carpet. You should see the look on his face! He raced to the phone called his mom to ask her about how he should clean it! Neyahahaha I guess I was a jealous person back then ;)


7. Getting tissues after sex! It's like a trademark for Emarati guys! Well I prefer using a towel and taking a shower after thank you!


8. Rushing to the shower after the deed like there is no tomorrow or as if what you did is reallllly dirty and to cleanse your sins you should shower!


9. Shaving your beard or your down there right before having sex. WE don't care if you had a week old beard when we're into the moment. Just make sure you do it before the date.


10. Refusing to try any new position or a new sexual experience like outdoor sex. I know that a lot of men love trying new things but when it comes to finally doin it, they back off and get scared. I love outdoor sex but if the guy I'm with doesn't think it's a great idea I go under the dry spell right away and get automatically turned off.


11. Faking orgasms. Some men do it just to please his women and to get over it and to be A MAN! I have to admit that we all go through bad stressful days and we do fake it at times. A friend of mine was just telling me the other day that he fulfilled his fantasy by finally having sex in an empty soccer field in London but because he was stressed he couldn't cum for an hour and ended up faking it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Adorable isn't he? If only she knew!


12. Going silent when having sex. You should motivate your girl and tell her how good she feels instead of closing your eyes and just getting it off.
13. Too much spanking. Spanking is good but too much of a thing becomes not good at all, boring and doesn't really turn on the girl your with especially if you do it every single time you have sex with the poot thang!
14. Asking for a threesome every single time you're with her. Once is ok, twice is not so ok, third time why are you with us in the first place?! Go and get prostitutes from a pub and screw them instead of asking us all the time for a threesome!
15. Thinking that sex should be perfect. trying at least 5 acrobatic positions, she comes first and I come next, we have to cuddle up and then shower up full stop. Sex should be fun, full of surprises, spontaneous, and not a routine or a chore. Be creative!
16. Having rough sex every single time. Not only will it become boring but it actually hurts and causes tiny vaginal tears which makes sex painful for your girl. Go easy boy!
17. Not going down on a girl because you are not used to it and because it's not your thing. I met many girls and guys who are disgusted from oral sex. Sex is not fun if you were disgusted from each other! Why the hell are you together if you were not into each other?!


18. Ignoring her tits. Hello?! Women are sensitive there and they love to get touched there too and not only down there! Some just bite them. I think it's something to do with their childhood! Maybe they weren't breastfed so they feel like they should take revenge.!


19. Forgetting her other sensitive areas like her back, thighs, shoulder…


20. Refusing to let her take control. I think its plain stupid. It's a give and take situation and both should be given chances to be in control and to be controlled it's all about TEASING!


21. Licking her ears till your spit blocks her ears. It once happened to me. I couldn't hear what the guy was saying most of the time I guess he was soo into it that he didn't notice that.


22. Being afraid of telling her what you want in bed and how you like to get blown.


23. Expecting her to know when you're going to cum.


24. Getting that I' am annoyed look after sex if she wanted to talk after sex.


25. If you're not a smoker don't give her that dirty/disgusted look if she decided to have a cigarette after sex. Remember that if she had a cigarette after it, it means that she had a good time ; )


26. Expecting her to get undressed every single time! Stripping is fun but stripping every time you have sex does become like a routine and eventually boring!


27. Not asking her about anal sex before and just doing it without her approval. It's a myth really that all women enjoy it from the back. I tried it four times the third time was the best because I was in the mood for it. So next time you want to do it just ask her if she's in the mood rather than just stick it in.


28. Wanting quickies all the time. Foreplay is essential and should not be ignored because it adds a lot of excitement and passion into making love.


29. Talking dirty all the time and not respecting the girl you're with by treating her like a slut all the time.


30. Kissing her by biting her lips, sticking your tongue like a lizard and spitting a lot into her mouth. It's not a spitting game or about being aggressive it's called making out and it's all about expressing yourself and how much you want her.


31. Leaving her responsible for your pleasure and not caring about her needs or whether she is satisfied or not.


32. Lying down in bed the whole time while she pleases you all the time.


33. Not giving your girl a massage and expecting her to massage you all the time. It's a give and take situation.


34. Not trimming down there…we understand and know that you want to be the MAN and go hairy because you are a man and want to be loved the way you are…but long pubic hair is a BIG NO-NO! We can't stand going down on you if the hair is in our mouth the whole time… and spitting it out every now and then just killz the sparks!


35. Not keeping condoms in the car and not taking precautions. You never know where she has been and with whom. You never know when or what is going to happen so always keep it in handy.

CHEERZ!

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling. COSMO is going to sue me for this : p

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun!

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall.

21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

The difference between Women & Men in the SHOWER...

Now this is my version of taking a shower:

• I take off my clothes and walk NAKED to the bathroom kinda like the guy in the video and of course pose infront of the mirror (extremely sexy poses) sometimes take some nude pics, depending on my mood.
• Hop into the shower, turn on some warm water, get soaked up and start by singing and shampooing my hair with Herbal Essences the one with the roses smellz AMAZIN!
• Put some Loreal hair conditioner, leave it in and tie my hair up with a hair clip .
• Wash my body with some Apricot Exfoliating Body Wash (smellls soo GOOD).
• Then wash my hair from the conditioner.
• Brush my teeth YES in the shower.
• Wear my contact lenses YES in the shower.
• Scrub my face with Apricot Scrub .
• Wash my down there with Carefree Intimate Wash .
• Apply some baby oil on ma body particulary my booty and hop out of the shower with a huge white robe, a towel on my head and a great big smile :D

funnny story! I dunnno why i laughed!

Police and The Courts
Published: 30/04/2007 12:00 AM (UAE)
Woman and lover get suspended sentence
Bassam Za'Za', Staff Reporter <<<his name is funny!

A housewife who claimed she slept with an engineer because her husband left her 'uncared for and lacking romance' has been given, together with her lover, a suspended punishment. The Dubai Court of First Instance awarded the UAE national housewife and the Jordanian engineer a four-month suspended jail term after they were found guilty of having an illicit affair yesterday. The imprisonment will be suspended for three years since it becomes final, on the condition that the crime is not repeated. The engineer will be deported for trespassing into the villa of the woman's husband. The Public Prosecution charged them with having consensual sex. The engineer was charged with trespassing and the housewife was charged with inviting him into the villa without her husband's consent.
"I slept with him because of my marital problems. My husband's negligence and emotional vacuum were the main reasons behind my love for the other defendant. I regret what I did as I think of my children's future," she said in her statement. Gulf News learnt that the husband divorced his wife. The initial verdict is still subject to appeal. EMOTIONAL VACCUM ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

P.S I know it's not funny but I just realized why I laughed soo hard...it's maybe coz they're sooo STUPID i've never heard about a story this stupid how can she invite him into her house, I bet she did it to tease her stupid hubby! I HATE STUPID PEOPLE and they make me LAUGH!

The main question thats been on my mind since yesterday is: if it was the other way around and the man was cheating on his wife and she caught him red handed would they put him in jail for 3 fuckin years I DON'T think so!!! He might get punished by gettin beaten up with a whip 70 times on his back...oh GOD I wish I could be the one to beat the shit out of him!